a list of demands

I’ve only dreamt thus far—

Of the step beyond this, the limit of my understanding.

of the taste of touch,

of the scent of tenderness

that punctuates timeless moments of embrace.

I want to wake up.

To finally feel it. All of it.

From fleeting nudges to whispers below the ear to the seamless caress.

Hugs so long that I stop counting,

Deliberate kisses that take aim at the backs of my knees.

Comfort so dizzying that we awake surprised.

Hands that not only pull these shoulders down from their perch, but gently,

Lovingly,

Convince them to stay awhile.

A solid safety where I can breathe deeply,

Cry freely,

Sigh.

I want to rest and feel whole.

To never feel “flattered” again. Instead

to feel as worthy as I am.

Deserving.

After all, I’ve had my share of (conditional) honor, (pitied) grace, and (pious) gratitude.

After all, why NOT me?

I demand reverence.

Reverence.

For you to thank God and your lucky stars,

every time I look your way,

every time I smile,

every time I roll my eyes or suck my teeth,

every time a raised brow and a soft smile

are all I need

to shatter the limits of your understanding.

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